This is not my normal blog. I am not sure how I even got access to it. But, since I have it and no one knows about it, I can write what ever I want right? Like being sad tonight. Like being unhappy with my life. Like the fact that I feel like I don't really matter to anyone. I really hope no one can read this. This is just a place to put my thoughts right? Fought with my husband over stupid stuff. We tend to fight before he goes away. I am always scared that something bad will happen and her won't come back. A car wreck or a plane crash or something. Maybe I am trying to push him away before he goes so it won't be so bad if something happens. I have a friend who lost her husband. I would not want to be in her shoes. I have another friend who pushed her husband away. She divorced him. She has her reasons I guess. They seem stupid to me. Both of these women are looking for men to share their lives with. I have my husband. But I keep fighting with him. I am so insecure about everything. I have lost my job and feel worthless. I feel like I don't deserve anything good in my life. I have good things in my life, I just don't deserve them.

Wow, putting this on "paper" seems so strange. These thoughts keep running through my head, but here they are in black and white. It's almost like saying them out loud.
I am going to put them out into cyber space. Anyone who stumbles onto this blog can see them. If you find them, don't worry about me. I'll be ok.